How to approach stressed postgraduate researchers: what to do ‘in the moment’

By Dr Kay Guccione, Head of Research Culture and Researcher Development and Co-Director of the Lab for Academic Culture

During our ‘Are you OK?’ project (find the research report here, and a book chapter here) we interviewed a group of supervisors about how they supported international PGRs who were experiencing stress, and how they helped them to move through the emotional transitions, and the ups and downs that normally characterise a doctorate.

All the supervisors we spoke to had experienced supporting researchers through personal and professional ups and downs and they offered us a wealth of ideas for supporting stressed PGRs. Below is an overview of how to spot stress, and how you can respond ‘in the moment’ to provide support to a stressed doctoral researcher. 

Symptoms of stress

The important first step is to be aware of the symptoms of stress. As each person reacts to stress differently, these symptoms may not all be present, but they may help you spot what’s going on if your doctoral colleague seems ‘out of sorts’ or ‘not their usual self’.

• Changes in sensitivity, being quick to anger, feeling defensive, getting upset.
• Strained relationships with colleagues, including you. Feeling contempt or frustration with others. 
• Increased sickness, lateness or being absent. Not replying to emails, removing themselves from situations with other people, or seeming like they are ‘hiding’ from you.
• Worrying, turning things over in their head, ruminating on issues, feeling that their ‘ mind is over full’.
• Tiredness and inability to sleep well.
• Lack of concentration, memory loss, or cluttered thinking. Inability to make a decision.
• Low self-esteem and self-confidence.

If you notice that your PGR exhibits any of these stress symptoms, can’t relax, or is indicating to you that they rarely, if ever, feel like they’re on top of things or in control, it’s a sign they need some support from you.

What to do?

So how can you support them in a way that doesn’t make things worse, or patronise them? Some ideas are below for your consideration. In preparation though, it’s wise to check your own stress levels and how you are coping. Stress can spread from person to person, if you’re stressed, you can transfer stress to them and vice versa. 

Time it right. Choose your moment for this conversation, don’t embarrass your PGR in front of colleagues, and try not to tag it on to the end of a meeting when there isn’t time to have a good quality conversation. Give them your undivided attention.

Name the issue. First let them know that you’ve noticed that they are stressed, and, importantly, that you want to help them to reduce that stress. You could say: ‘Hi, You seem a bit stressed / like you have a lot on / like you could use a break and a deep breath, can I help?’ Or ‘It’s been a stressful few weeks for you hasn’t it, let’s have a debrief and see how we can make it a bit more manageable.’

Be prepared to hear ‘no thank you’. If you’ve never had this type of conversation together before, then this may take your PGR by surprise. Let them decide if now is the right time for them to talk to you, and respect their decision. Overriding them, insisting, or taking away control of this conversation is likely to add more stress and also make them lose trust in you.

Listen for longer than you normally would. This skill is really important. If they want to talk, listen to what they say in order to understand their point of view. Don’t listen just long enough to formulate a reply. And don’t just jump straight into advice mode — people often need to vocalise a concern or talk through a complicated issue as a way of processing it and understanding it. Don’t shut that down by interrupting. Let them talk it out. This is a learned skill, and gets better and easier with practice.

Keep the focus on them. Don’t talk about your own stress or workload, or how busy you are. However encouraging or empathetic you may think it will sound, what the student will hear is ‘well my problems are bigger than your problems’. This will lead to them feeling dismissed and disappointed. It is important for you to have space to talk things out too though, so consider who might be the right person to listen to you.

Make a plan together. Talking things through systematically may help them to figure out what’s at the root of their feelings of stress. Help them to make a list, a map, or a plan that gets things out of their head and on to a page or screen. Make sure this is their list not yours, let them have control of the task. Look together for ways to reduce what is on their to do list right now, what can be worked around, what can be pushed back until later. Chunk the tasks down from the big picture into really small and clear objectives. Collaborate together on a plan, and make sure the plan includes time to take breaks, take leave, eat properly, and relax.

Offer don’t impose. You may have some advice to offer, but ask their permission if you’d like to share some of your good coping strategies. Unproductive coping strategies include things like, wishful thinking, self-blame, excessive worrying, ignoring the problem, keeping things to themself, working longer and longer hours, and alcohol or food abuse. Positive coping includes things like, making immediate (this week) and short-term goal lists rather than long-term ones, focusing on the positives, seeking help to get things done, improving relationships and friendships, and taking regular time out to relax or to pursue a hobby or interest. Only offer if they are open to it – guidance also has to be timed right to be effective.

Validate their plan. Make sure they know they have your permission and encouragement to slow down, keep to those reasonable working hours, to take a break, or to have a holiday. Rest is important. Sustaining energy for the ‘long game’ of research is a key career skill. You are the person who needs to communicate this to them, as their supervisor and colleague. Perhaps also make sure you are practicing what you preach. Be a role model for sustainable working patterns.

Signposting on? It’s always wise to know your boundaries and to be ready to signpost on to further university counselling or GP support services if you feel out of your depth. I strongly suggest that you practice saying – out loud – what you’d need to say to signpost a PGR to further support. This way you’ll be prepared, considered, and relaxed, and not come across as shocked, or blurt out something that you later cringe over. Where you fear for a PGR’s immediate personal safety, the right course of action is to call an ambulance.

Follow up. Make sure you embed the above good work, by following through on any promises you make, and by checking in with them after a while to see how things are going. Remembering what you agreed and checking in to find out how they are getting along, builds trust between you. 

Managing yourself is key

Supporting stressed colleagues is a careful practice. For PGR, admitting that they are not coping is a very difficult thing to do, especially to you, in a position of relative power. If they are defensive about their ability to cope, or get upset about things, try and practice being ‘ok with that’ (again this is not an innate skill, it comes with practice). Being defensive is a very normal reaction and it’s not a reaction to you as a person, or a rejection of your help. Putting yourself aside and reiterating that you will support them to find a way through the stress is a helpful thing to do at this point

Please don’t be tempted to delegate this ‘I’ve noticed…’ conversation to a ‘more sympathetic’ colleague (especially noting that doing the student support work is frequently outsourced to women). It’s your backing and support as their supervisor that really matters. If they feel you are both working together, and that you are an ally to them, it will make a difference to their perceptions of their situation, and their sense of support and control. And to yours too.

And look after yourself too! Where a doctoral researcher experiences poor mental health or a diminished sense of well-being, this can have a huge impact on their supervisor’s own mental health or well-being. As supervisors, it’s important that we ask ourselves whether this is happening to us. Are we taking on the emotional load our students are feeling? Supervisors in our research reported that their ability to maintain ‘protective’ as well as ‘professional’ boundaries improves with experience, through learning from past mistakes, and from their local communities of supervisors. So, finding out about the different sources of support (such as the Graduate School, Head of Department or PGR Tutor or Convenor), key contacts, timelines and eligibility, and discussing your concerns or debriefing with peers you trust, are important parts of the supervisor role.