By Karen Gordon, PGR Intern in the Research Culture and Researcher Development Team
This post reflects on my journey as an individual with invisible disabilities within academia, my evolving perspective as I straddle PGR and staff roles, and the importance of institutional support for change.
Starting out as a first-year Postgraduate Researcher at the University of Glasgow, I wrote a PGR blog detailing tips and tricks I had found to navigate the PhD journey with chronic fatigue from fibromyalgia and Sjogren’s disorder. Returning to academia after a five-year gap, I had been warned about the time pressures and stresses, so I had consciously set out to ‘manage’ my health alongside the demanding doctoral workload.
Luckily, I am an organiser: I make lists, I plan, I create folders, charts, and timelines. So I detailed actions that I had found personally useful: items like pacing yourself, creating a flexible routine, time-blocking, using your annual leave, and registering with a G.P you get on with. Still, helpful tips, potentially. But revisiting this blog from a year ago, I feel the full weight of pressure I put onto myself to individualise my struggles and conform to traditional academic cultures. I see internalised ableism; and a total lack of the grace and empathy for myself that I would offer to others.
My reflections on navigating space as a disabled person have become much kinder over the last few years. So, as a (nearly) 3rd – year PGR, GTA, RA and member of Research Services, these are my reflections since.
Navigating academia with disabilities
Navigating space as a disabled person within academia is hard, and the legacy of Higher Education is problematic. There is no getting around it. The struggles of marginalised individuals to enter and pursue academic careers are substantial, and universities have not historically welcomed people who come to the table with difference.
Moreover, adding navigating dis/ability to the plethora of tasks required can be daunting and can feel inflexible – students still require feedback, deadlines still need to be met and emails replied to. However, I have found that individualising this burden is not just unhelpful personally, it also doesn’t feedback into any positive institutional change.
Working with the Research Services Directorate has shown me ways in which people are actively trying to shift these cultures through transparent dialogue and fostering a culture of kindness. Whilst it is never one person’s responsibility to do the emotional heavy lifting, using my voice to advocate for difference has also supported me in creating tangible change in my academic life.
Creating and occupying space
Creating space for myself has been crucial to my journey as both a PGR and member of staff. This has been made possible by having supportive colleagues in Research Services who welcomed discussion on accessibility and inclusion, as allies fighting for similar change.
This space can be in the form of attending meetings virtually when energy is limited. By taking annual leave to give myself a full break to reset. By having conversations with colleagues about how to make events more accessible.
But more than this, knowing that I can discuss my issues around accessibility, and it will be met with an openness to learn more and hear my perspective has enabled me to take up space and arrive as I am. The collegiality and empathy shown in the Research Services Directorate has shown me people who are activity trying to shift the cultural discourse. It has provided a space to entertain the conversations which lessen the individual burden: I am no longer attempting to take on Goliath alone.
Modelling good institutional support
As the PGR Events Intern this year, inclusion has been a priority for me when planning and facilitating initiatives. How can we make sure that this is the most accessible format? Will this create a positive space for all PGRs? How do I convey that I am approachable should anyone have feedback for improvements in the future? Coming to the table with a different perspective has helped my professional career and improved how I can support and engage with other PGRs; not hindered it.
Within the Research Services Directorate we aim to provide researchers with safe, accessible spaces where they can reach their full potential by being who they are. This is now something I will reach for in my own career; by offering transparency on the difficulties, ups and downs, I hope to influence processes, policies and support available to others.
An eye to the future
Disclosing health issues inevitably raises worries about future professional roles, relationships and opportunities. Could this impact me being chosen for a job? How will disclosure change my relationships with supervisors and colleagues? Will disclosure limit my future opportunities?These are inevitably still questions which nag me during the lulls, and ones that I cannot honestly say won’t ever happen.
However, my own experience of disclosure is that it has generated significantly more collegial support, empathy, and advocacy than I expected: so far it has made my professional communication clearer and my journey as a PGR easier.
While recognising that disclosure is a very personal and individual choice, (and also a privilege that I have this option), I hope my experience sheds some light on individuals flourishing within Higher Education who do not fit traditional research norms. I hope that opening up these dialogues contributes to pushing the evolution of research cultures that are supportive to all. And I hope that by creating space for this conversation I continue to resist the unkind temptation to make myself ‘less’, or to conform or ‘fit in’. Being myself is where I do my best work and support others to do theirs: and that is what great research culture looks like.
The Auditorium: a research culture and researcher development blog 